K2N Race Report

And another K2N Stage Race is in the books. I have arrived back in the States and, after a long, arduous, and adventurous journey, it is good to be home. This is my official race report. Due to having to add some necessary details, it will be a little extensive. I will try to highlight as much as possible. 

 

Before we get started…

We were scheduled to leave Nashville on Thursday, May 27^th. Which, of course, made Wednesday, May 26^tha total whirlwind. It was mandatory to acquire a negative COVID-19 test result within 72 hours before leaving Nashville Airport (BNA) and each subsequent airline (Minneapolis and Amsterdam) required the same. I took my test on Wednesday morning and results were in hand within an hour. 

 

It was about midafternoon that Robert, one of the people in our group discovered that the test had to be a PCR type and the other tests were not accepted. A number of the people in our group panicked because, one, it was last minute. Two, a rapid PCR costs about 200 bucks. Fortunately, my test was a PCR type. When I told my doctor what I was doing, he knew exactly what I needed. However, several in the group had to bite the bullet and fork out the cash for the right test. My wife, Ellen, did not have the right test. She panicked because she was at work until 6pm and the clinics offering the test past 6pm were few and far in between. I started calling around and, luckily, found a clinic just near our house that would administer the test as long as we could be there by 6:15. Ellen confirmed that she could leave work a few minutes early to arrive on time. I told her that I would meet her there to pay (yes, 200 bucks) and there was no need to panic. Within minutes, she called and told me that she had been in a fender bender and would not be able to make it on time. I canceled the appointment and started calling around for another. I found a place closer to where Ellen was (filling out an accident report). They could give the test as long as we could be there by 6:30. We made it and she got the test. However, the results would not be in for another 24 hours. 

 

The only thing to do was to attempt to use the antigen test that she already had a result for to get out of Nashville and hope that the PCR result would be in her email inbox before leaving Minneapolis. 

 

The next morning, we arrived at BNA to meet the rest of our group. There were twelve of us total. Somehow, Ellen managed to make it through with her test. As it turned out, they did not recognize that her test was not PCR. And, a PCR was required. I know this because they did not recognize that my test was a PCR type. When they looked at my test, which stated that it was a LIAT test, they questioned it because it didn’t say PCR. Btw, a LIAT test is a brand of PCR and BNA officials do not know this. I had to call my general practitioner to have him email a signed document stating that my test was PCR. This all happened while trying to acquire a boarding pass. After some deliberation, we were all good to go. (We have learned that your experience at the airport terminal/gate depends on the representative serving you. Some of them want you to have a good experience, others just don't give a damn.)

 

Just hours later, we were in Minneapolis airport, at the gate ready to board. And, Ellen does not have her test result. And, they were diligently screening the tests. Here are Ellen’s options: One, pay an additional 200 bucks at the airport for a PCR rapid result test. Two, stay in Minneapolis until the next opportunity to fly to Amsterdam, which could be another week (not happening). Or, three, try cheating. We went with three. So, we took the test result of another person in our group and just folded down the name at the top. The people working the airline were so unorganized and frustrated that they just looked at the result of the test. They didn’t even look at the name on it. It worked. 

 

Eight and a half hours later we were in Amsterdam. We ate some food and, by that time, Ellen had her own test result. We then boarded the KLM flight to our final destination to Kilimanjaro Airport. When we landed in Kili, we still had to take another COVID test. We were aware of that one and it was only 25 bucks. It took a while for everyone to make it through all of the red tape but we did it. And after that, were good to go. At least, that’s what we thought. 

 

There were 12 racers in our group. That means there should be 12 bikes waiting for us at the baggage claim, right? There were only 5. Seven of us filed claims. We were mad, anxious, and frustrated. But, here’s the thing, we had safari plans for the next few days. The race didn’t start until Tuesday, June 1^st. There was plenty of time to recover 7 bike bags and get them to us, right? 

 

On Monday, May 31^st, all of the racers are at Simba Farm Lodge (staging area for stage 1 and 2 start) and seven of us STILL do not have bikes. The estimated value of the 7 missing bikes was $50k. The race director, Brett Harrison, went to work sourcing local bikes for us to race the first stage on. He only found three bikes for the first stage. Since I was not too happy about racing a bike that I had not trained on, I asked to be one of the people to skip the first stage with hopes that my bike would arrive for stage 2. I felt good about this decision. The director even told me that I could have the option to come back later and race the first stage so that I would have a complete general classification result. So, along with three other racers, I sat back at Simba Farms Lodge while the other racers started the race. 

 

All was well until the racers started to finish and tell their stories for the day. Then, I got really frustrated. I worked hard for this race. I paid a lot for this race. I made a lot of sacrifices so that I could be my best for this race. And now, here I was, sitting on the sidelines watching. It hurt. Then, there was that lingering fact in my head that the airline still had not recovered my bike. Yes, that’s right, the location of $50k worth of mountain bikes was unknown. We called numerous times and they continually told us that our bikes were at the Kilimanjaro Airport. Of course, they were not at the Kilimanjaro Airport. I tried to stay optimistic that I would start stage 2 on my bike. Then, just after dinner, the news came. The bikes had not been recovered and there was no way the bikes would arrive for stage 2. 

Of course, you think about the worst. I kept thinking about how my bike was probably getting tossed around between planes like a sack of corn. But, I also continually reminded myself. "Don't worry, it's REV'd carbon." Thanks Guerrilla Gravity. 

 

The race director started looking for more local bikes. He called all the mountain bikers he knew. By late Tuesday night, he found several more. I mean, they were good bikes ten years ago. Out of the group of loaners, I spotted a Salsa hardtail. It wasn’t the looks of it that caught my eye. Out of the all the bikes, it was probably in the worst shape. It was even missing a lot of parts. It wasn’t the Salsa name, the tires, or the group that caught my attention. But, I saw that it had sliding dropouts. If you know me and you know a little about bikes, you know where this is going. The race director also provided a large container full of old parts if needed. So, I built up a Salsa Timberjack single speed. And so, my race begins. 

 

STAGE 2

Stage 2 is the longest stage of K2N. It’s 52 miles of rough terrain. There’s not a lot of climbing but, toward the end there’s a few deep sandy sections that really inflate the heart rate. But, I had rather be on a single speed than fighting the gears on an unfamiliar bike. I did not get much time to pre-ride the bike, but I was confident in my build and I had very little time that morning to test it out. The race started at 8AM. I went with the lead pack and stayed as long as I could. The first 10k of stage 2 is a long, gradual downhill. Since I was pushing a 32x19 gear ratio, it was hard to hang on to that group. Local legend, Thad Peterson, was sitting right behind me. We stayed together until we hit the bottom of the first descent and Thad quickly pulled away. I felt something strange in the front end of the bike. It was making a rattling noise. I stopped and adjusted the front quick release. While doing this, a group of ten passed me. Anxiously, I jumped back on the bike and caught the group. The bottom of the first descent transitioned into a rough section with large bowling ball-sized rocks and vicious thorn-clad acacia trees. I was able to thread the needle through this section, pass the full group of ten, and put some distance on them. I climbed and descended the only real hill on the stage pretty fast, which widened the gap a little more between the group and myself. The leaders, along with Thad, still had a good lead on me. The next twenty-five miles were flat. A good part of it was gavel. I just found a fast cadence and maintained rhythm. 

 

I made a quick refill at the first aid station and saw no one in site. I hit the trail again with thoughts that I might see Thad. I reached about mile 30 and started to feel some fatigue. I thought that it might be that I didn’t get a good warmup or that I haven’t been accustomed to the high cadence on the single speed. But nonetheless, I was feeling it and I still had over 20 miles to go. I hit the second aid station, refilled water, ate some fruit, and shook my legs a little, but I didn’t waste any time. 

 

It was about mile 35 that I hit the sand. Also, the heat was getting cranked up. I knew my pace had slowed down, but when I hit those deep sand pits, it was like running upstream. I started to come apart. My stomach was churning, I was nauseous, and I felt some cramping in my adductors. I think I was suffering from a little heat exhaustion. I found a small acacia bush to stop for some shade. I fueled up and decided to make a quick bike check while under the shade. It was that moment that I made a painful discovery. My front hub was nearly seized. I tried to spin my front wheel and it would only move about 6 inches. As it would seem, when I snugged down the front quick release, it somehow pinched everything together and I had been riding it like that for 30 miles. It also seemed that the fork dropouts had been reamed so badly that the quick release would not close without pinching the hub. So, the solution was to open the quick release fully and slowly ride the rest of the stage without pulling on the handlebars too hard. A quick jerk of the bars would pull the fork right off the wheel. 

 

I lost several positions after that. After five and a half hours of hard riding, I was physically and mentally beat and defeated. But, I kept telling myself that it was a long race, this was only one stage, and I would have time to make up for it. And, I was still optimistic that I would be on my bike for the rest of the race. 

 

When I arrived at the finish line for stage 2, I was greeted with the good news that our bikes were on the way. KLM (airline) accidentally misplaced the bikes in Amsterdam and they would be at our camp the next morning. 

 

STAGE 3

I woke up early the next morning. I have never been a good tent sleeper and I was pretty anxious to see if my bike bag would be outside of my tent. It was still dark but I could hear other people chatting. I opened the zipper of my tent and there it was, an EVOC bag with AT painted on the side. (I bought it used from a person with the initials AT). After giving it a big hug, I opened it up and started assembling it. The green Guerilla Gravity logo just flickered from the slow manifesting sunrise. I put the rear wheel on and gave it good spin. The I9 Hydra seemed to buzz for several minutes before making its last little click. I teared up. I whispered to it, “I am glad you’re hear. We have work to do.” It looked back at me and said, “I was made for this.” (Yes, I talk to my bike. What?)

 

Stage 3 starts out with a gravel road that slowly ascends for about 14 miles. After that, it gets rad. It flows through a slick-rock-sort-of trail and then hits a technical, rocky descent. Then it carries into a super-fast section with sharp turns. This was my day to make up some time. The biggest obstacle would be the last 7 miles. The terrain gets really technical with several hike-a-bike sections and since it was at the end of a 48-mile-long stage, it was going to be hot. 

 

The stage began. I think the people that passed me on stage 2 assumed I would be too spent to make waves on stage 3. But, I made it clear that I was good. My plan: keep Thad Peterson in site on the first big climb and rain hell on the descents thereafter. And, it worked. The first aid station was at the top of the climb and I rolled in on Thad's heels. We refilled and left together. I moved in front of him and quickly pulled away on the first flowy descent. That put me in fifth position.  

 

From that point, I just wanted to hold that spot. If I could finish fifth for the day, I would be happy. I hit the last aid station, which started the super-technical section. I didn’t expect to ride the uphill segments. I really don’t think anyone can, especially at the end of that stage. But, I was pretty confident in riding the descents. My Guerilla Gravity, Trail Pistol has 120mm travel in the rear and a 130mm travel Rock Shox Pike up front. There’s not a better endurance race bike for descents. 

 

About 3 miles into that 7, I was hurting. The heat was cranked up and I could feel some cramping in my legs. Those hike-a-bike sections were getting really hard to hike. They would have been hard to hike even if I were not carrying a bike after 4 hours of hard riding. 

 

I glanced at my Garmin to check my location. I was closing in on the finish. With about 2 miles left, I started to descend one of the larger gullies and came up on one of the leaders. It was Zach Lowe. Zach was in our group from Tennessee. He’s a very talented NICA racer. His dad, Justin, was actually in the overall lead for the race. As it would seem, he burped a tire and had a little crash, losing all of the air in the tire. Zach is only 15 and despite wanting to move into fourth place, I didn’t want to leave him alone. So, I helped him repair his tire and made sure he was ok to ride. About that time, Josue, one of the guys running support stopped to check on Zach. After that, I felt better about rolling on. I completed the last mile with haste, taking fourth for the day in just under five hours. Despite being completely exhausted and fully depleted of all energy stores, my spirits were much higher. 

 

STAGE 4

The Race director, Brett Harrison, gives a race briefing for each stage the night before. During the briefing for stage 4, he said with all honesty, “This is the shortest stage of the race and it is the hardest! The hard technical last 7 miles of stage 3 is about 80% of stage 4.” Here is how bad that last 7 miles of stage 3 was. When Brett gave the briefing for stage 4, some people dropped out. But, this did not intimidate me. My theory was, hike the hard ascents, let the Trail Pistol go on the descents. 

 

When the stage started I went ahead and jumped on with the lead group. It was me, Justin, and two locals, Mika and Andrew. For the first couple of miles, I was good. But, I felt something weird happening with my shoe. It felt like my cleat was loose on my left pedal. We got to a technical uphill and I saw Justin dismount. I tried to unclip from the pedal and it was stuck. Unbale to dismount, I fell over. Mika and Andrew were both behind me when it happened so they passed and jumped on Justin’s wheel. I quickly grabbed a multi-tool and tightened the cleat. Thankfully, I did not lose a cleat bolt!

 

I lost the three leaders, but fortunately, I didn’t get caught while repairing my shoe. I hit the trail hard. It was a long open field with several small ditches and rocks. It would have been easy to lose the trail but I managed to locate the markers while maintaining some flow and thread the needle through the field and stay on track. At that point, the trail was exposed and I could see for about a mile. To my surprise, I couldn’t see the three leaders. I assumed they started fighting for a gap from each other and that put a bigger lead on me. After that long first technical section, the course hits a gravel road stretch for about two miles, which leads to a small village. This is the first aid station. After I hit the road, I heard some riders coming up behind me. I was a little disappointed that I had been caught. But when I looked back, it was the leaders. Apparently, they had taken a wrong turn and gone off-course for a stretch. So yeah, I had the lead for a short section. I am a little relieved that I didn’t know that. I might have burned too many matches trying to maintain it. And, the hard part was yet to come. 

 

I stopped to top off my fuel at the aid station and hit the trail. It was about to get rough. But, I still maintained my plan: don’t spend too much time trying to ride the hike-a-bike sections. And, let the Trail Pistol go on the descents. 

 

All was going well until I found myself off course. The course was loaded on my Garmin but, apparently, the GPS got a little muddled at one point and lost track. When I stopped to let it catch up, it told me I was off course. I had to zoom out twice to find the trail. And, I had to traverse through some thick acacia brush too catch back up. When I got back to the trail, I assumed I had lost several places. But, I was diligent in maintaining the plan: ride what you can and hike what you can’t. 

 

The second aid station is at the top of a plateau. From that point, the descents get gnarly. There are some sections that are impossible to ride. Even if they were rideable, due to a large cliff, a small error leads to certain death. But, about 80% is rideable, especially if you are capable. I am, by no means, a fast climber. So, when there is a descent, I try to use it to my advantage. 

 

When I arrived at the aid station, I asked who was ahead of me. To my relief, it was the same group of leaders. As it seemed, even though I went off course for a while, I didn’t lose any significant ground. However, I was informed that Thad Peterson was less than 10 minutes behind me. 

 

So, I hit the descent with all my claws out. I had one small mishap that sent me to the ground. I was able to recover with just a few scrapes and scratches. I felt like any little bit I could descend on the bike was to my advantage. The Trail Pistol was far more capable than I. It wanted to descend sections that I could not. But, it gave me confidence when I was on board. 

 

I reached the final aid station at the bottom of the descent. The lead group had about 20 minutes on me, but I put a huge gap on Thad. From this point, it was about 10k of rough jeep road. Most of it was flat with a few dry creek crossings. My plan was to crank up the power and burn the rest of my matches on this section. I put my head down and emptied my stores to secure another solid fourth place finish in just over four hours.    

 

And that was the end…. But, not really. Four racers including myself still had another stage to race. And, I don’t think I mentioned it, but it was going to be the most difficult for me. 

 

STAGE 1

K2N stands for Mount Kilimanjaro to Lake Natron. The first stage is basically a climb and a descent. The climb begins at Londorossi Gate. It’s the common entrance into the Kilimanjaro Park and it’s located at 7000 feet of elevation. From there, it climbs quickly and aggressively. The route is a 14-mile gravel road climb. Strava lists it as an HC climb. The average grade is 9% and it has several 20+% pitches. When the climb reaches the helicopter pad, which is 13,000 feet, the route makes a turn into a hike-a-bike section up to Cathedral Point. From there, riders hit a rad section of single track, which leads you back to the same road you climbed, which you carefully descend. (There have been many mountain bike crashes on the long descent. It's loose gravel with many curves and the steep grade makes it hard to regulate speed.) 

 

There was three of us to line up for the start on Sunday, June 6^th. The fourth rider decided not to race but opted to ride the single track past Cathedral Point. (very good decision, btw). The race director started us and the race was on. Though, I didn’t think much about the other racers, I assumed that one of them, Ken Barnes, who is a good friend of mine might be in clear sight. But, since I am not a great climber, my plan was to focus on the numbers on the climb and cut lose on the descent. Despite wanting to take off fast to get the climb over with, I reeled it in. I knew what my power and heart rate needed to read going up the climb, so I kept it in that range. As I assumed, Ken passed me just a few miles into the climb. I stayed focused and let him go. I quickly realized that after he passed me, he slowed down. This is pretty common. Some people just need that off the front confidence. So, I decided to let him stay and not worry about it. Funny thing, he stayed 50-100 yards in front of me until the first aid station. We were together at the first stop to refuel. When we left, I went first. In just a few minutes, he jumped back in front of me. Same scenario, he stayed about 50 yards in front of me until we hit the turn to Cathedral Point. That was the second aid station. When we got there, Ken seemed a little exhausted. When I hit the single track/hike-a-bike section, Ken remained at the rest stop a little longer. 

 

After completing the full ascent to Cathedral Point, it was time for a rad descent. My wife and friend were at that point waiting on me, which lifted my spirits a little bit. I knew the gravel road descent was going to be a coast all the way down so I pushed my limits through the single track. When I reached the road, I stopped and let 5 PSI out of my tires to hold the curves a little better. Then, I let it go. I reached the finish line at 4 hours and 58 minutes. 

 

I am still waiting on full results to be calculated but I am either 4^th or 5^th overall. Which, despite the stage 2 debacle, I am pretty happy either way. 

 

What a ride! I want to thank K2N Stage Race for such a great event, my coach Bryant Funston and BPC coaching for preparing me for this event and giving me confidence, Guerilla Gravity for making the sickest mountain bikes, and all my fellow K2N competitors for pushing me to ride hard!  

For more info on this race... k2nstage.com 

Priming the Well

Read John 4:5-14

“Priming the Well”

There’s a guy that I see on the streets in Nashville every Monday and Thursday night. He is probably our most common “regular”. His name is Mike. He is a salty individual and pretty rough around the edges to say the least. He yells when he talks, he’s very pessimistic, he complains a lot, and he often gives us a hard time about not arriving on time. But despite all of that, we have come to love the guy and he seems to like us. He sells newspapers every day for the Contributor and he rides a bike for transportation. Not long ago, his bicycle broke. It was a bad break and I saw it coming. It was an old bicycle and it and it had a crack in the frame. Luckily, he wasn’t hurt when it broke. About the time his bike broke, a church member, Steve Howell told me that he had acquired an old bicycle that needed a little tune-up and that I could have it if I wanted it. Good timing! I tuned up the bicycle and presented it to Mike. I wish I had a video of the interaction because it’s hard to do it justice by just telling it. But, Mike was happy and he is still using his new-ish bike every day. 

We have been seeing Mike for years. Ever since he got that first bike, he has asked us when he can ride with us to deliver food. Though, he’s never joined us, we always tell him, that he can ride with us anytime. 

The truth is, that happens a lot. At least once a week, one of the people we serve will ask how they can help out. A lot of people ask where we meet and what time they need to be there to help. Despite their good intentions, no one follows through. Mike has never showed up to help. And, I don’t think he should. I don’t think he is ready for that. He’s not in the right place in his life for that. Most of the people we serve that ask if they can help are not in the right place either. I don’t think they are ready for that. I don’t think they are ready for it because, in order to give something, you have to have something. In order to show something, you have to have something to show. In order to serve someone else, you have to be served. In order to move someone with the Spirit, you have to be moved by the Spirit. In order to show love, you have to have love.

As servants of God we know something about helping people in need. We understand the implications of lending a hand to a neighbor. It’s what we do. We are cheerful givers, right? Yeah, that is what we do. But, I don’t think we can simply give tangible items and leave it at that. When we give or serve, it has to be done with love and spirit. Why? Because, people see that. And, when people experience the Spirit in you, it charges them. 

Jesus taught about this idea when he interacted with the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s Well in Sychar. This is not the conventional lesson we typically get with this gospel reading. But, that was what Jesus was teaching the woman. We are going to talk about what he was teaching her in more detail but, first, let’s talk more about who he was teaching. When we learn a little more about this woman, it changes the dynamic of the conversation. 

We have here a conversation between Jesus, the Messiah, our Lord and a Samaritan woman. This doesn’t sound like much. I mean this was Jesus, Son of God who so loved the world. Why wouldn’t he have a conversation with this woman? He wouldn’t because it was culturally taboo in more than one way. If you are not familiar with the relationship between the Judean Jews and Samaritans, it was less than stellar, to say the least. The story of the good Samaritan is just another example. The truth is, the Jews hated the Samaritans and the Samaritans hated the Jews. And, this bitter feud had been going on for nearly a thousand years. Since the death of King Solomon and the rise of his predecessor King Rehoboam, the North and South kingdoms of Israel were split. Some of the policies of Solomon were not favored by the Northern kingdoms and it left many of these people in adversity. When Solomon’s predecessor came into rule, everything fell apart. Fast forward 920 years later, and that feud was still alive and well. Samaria was the capital city of the North, and by this time, the people had grown apart in many ways. They had differing politics and even their theology was at ends. The Samaritans were Israelites and they maintained a Torah-based theology. But, that was the only similarity they shared with the Jews. The Samaritans built their own temple to contrast the Temple in Jerusalem. The Samaritans, like the Jews, were looking for a messiah, but their messiah was a Moses-like prophetic individual. While the Jews did have a Torah-based theology, they also built their faith on the ancient prophets and their messiah was a King David-like figure. Having these differing theological and political beliefs, the Samaritans and the Jews distanced themselves from each other. It was thought to be sinful to share with them in any way. They thought each other to be unclean. Also, if any Jew were to travel north across the Jordan, they would go by the longer road of the gentile Decapolis to avoid the dangers of traveling through Samaria. How crazy is that? The long way would take them through the sinful Hellenized Roman cities. They would rather do that than risk an interaction with a Samaritan, a fellow countryman. And yes, it was dangerous for a Jew to travel through Samaria. They hated each other!

Jesus and his disciples took a little trip north across the Jordan. Guess what direction Jesus took his students. Yep, straight through the middle of enemy territory to the Samaritan city of Sychar, a city believed to be corrupt with Samaritan politics. 

There are so many examples of this kind of behavior in the gospels. Taking the long way, the hard way, the dangerous way, stepping outside of comfort zones, taking some risks, and being courageous are all deep-rooted ethics in our faith. This is just one example of how Jesus led his students to a place that everybody told them not to go. Yeah, he often led them against the grain. As humans, we are programmed by what the world tells us to do or to not do. But, if we never explore the other side, it becomes unfamiliar territory; it becomes foreign. But, when we challenge ourselves to what we fear, we often learn something about the other side, we learn something about ourselves, and more importantly, we learn something about our God and the direction God wants us to go. And, we learn to trust God. We learn that God knows our paths far better than we do. And, there is a purpose for walking down that less-traveled path.

There was a purpose for Jesus and his disciples traveling through Samaritan territory and that purpose happened at a well. Jesus stops to rest at a very sacred place. This was Jacob’s Well. This was the place that Jacob, the forefather of the Jewish faith, the man known as Israel, used for water. This would have been like a well-known monument. But, it was on Samaritan soil, or as most Jews would have considered, enemy soil. But, Jesus stops for rest. While at this well, a Samaritan woman approaches, notices Jesus and recognizes that he is not Samaritan but still carries on with her business of fetching some water. Jesus was alone because his disciples had gone into town to get some food. The story tells us that it was about noon. This was a very specific time to eat and the woman was probably getting water for a meal. Let us keep in mind that eating food in the Jewish faith is a very spiritual thing and the Jews and Samaritans did not share anything especially food. So, we know, Jesus and this woman would have been cultural enemies, Jesus was imposing on a sacred place, it was a meal time, which means they would typically not want to be near each other, and finally in this culture women would have been very cautious of how they interacted with men because this was a patriarchal culture. 

While the woman was at the well, Jesus says, “Give me some water to drink.” Now, some might interpret this as Jesus demanding this woman serve him. But, it wasn’t like that. This was an invitation, which means this was a very bold move. Jesus is basically saying, “Would you have a drink of water with me?” If that weren’t bold enough, the woman says, “Why would you want this from me?” This was bold because the woman had courage enough to retort, not just this man, but, a Jewish rabbi. Jesus responds, “If you recognized God’s gift and who is saying to you, ‘Give me some water to drink,’ you would be asking him and he would give you living water.”  I love this response. He says, “If you knew me, if you knew who I was, you would be asking me for water. You would be asking me to have a drink with you.” But, he doesn’t just say “water”, he says, “living water”. 

Naturally, this woman is a bit confused. She says, “How are you going to give me living water, you don’t even have a bucket.” She is still thinking about the water that’s in the well. Jesus says to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks from the water that I will give will never be thirsty again. The water that I give will become in those who drink it a spring of water that bubbles up into eternal life.” Jesus was not talking about the water in the well. He was using water as a metaphor for something very different. He was saying that this water is essential for life, but in order for you to give this water to someone, in order for you to share it, you have to have it in you. This water Jesus was talking about was his Spirit and when you have it in you and you share it, you give life to those you share with. You have to have it in order to give it. 

The living water that Jesus wanted to share was all of the attributes of our loving God. It was love, peace, joy, compassion, and Jesus wanted the woman at the well to have it so she could share it. When she shares it, those she shares it with will also become a spring for this living water and they, too, will share it. But, in order to share it, you have to have it.  

My friends, you cannot give something that you do not have. As Christ followers, as representatives of the living God, we have this obligation to serve our neighbors and share joy, peace, love and compassion. But, you cannot share it if you don’t have it. In order to acquire this living water, metaphorically speaking, you have to meet Jesus at the well and ask that the Lord give you a drink. You have to let the Lord meet your needs before you meet the needs of others. You have to submit to the will of God before serving God. Submitting to God requires you to admit, “God, I don’t have it right now. God, I am on empty right now. God, I don’t have any joy, peace, love, or compassion in me right now. God, fill me full of the living water so that I can share it.” And, it’s ok to not have it! We are human, we are created by God, and God knows that. But, God wants us to ask for it. God’s wants us to want it and seek it. And, God wants us to admit when we are weak. But, in order to receive it, we have to let God give it to us. You can pray that God gives you living water, but you’re not going to get it if never hold out your glass. God is not going to lead you if you never give the Lord your hand. You can’t give someone else living water if you don’t let the Lord give it to you. It requires time. It requires specific time with God. It requires time at the well with the Lord. 

As servants of the living God, we must make time to be with God so that we might be filled. Sometimes that comes in the form of good ole fashioned rest. Sometimes that comes in the form of vacation. Sometimes that comes in the form of quiet time or regular sabbath time. Sometimes that requires you to live in the moment knowing that God has created it and customized it for your living That’s where you find that living water. That is you time at the well. Regardless of what that looks like, that is how the Lord gives you a drink of the living water. And, the Lord gives it to you so that you can share it. 

In order to pump water from a well, you have to prime it. How do you do that? You have to put a little water in it. To get water, you have to have water. To give water, you have to have water. My friends, God knows you better than you do. You are human; you are created by God perfectly imperfect by design. With that said, in order to function as we were created, we must give attention to our needs. In order to give water, we must receive water. In order to fulfill that mission God has given us, we must allow the Lord to nourish us. 

Anxiety Part III: DO AS YOU HAVE SAID

Read: Genesis 18:1-5, 9-14 

Anxiety Part III: “DO AS YOU HAVE SAID”

Today is the third and final sermon in a sermon series on anxiety. Before we get started, I want to do a little recap on what we have covered thus far just as I did last week. We will start with a short recap. 

The sermon series on anxiety explores three different facets of anxiety: the past, present, and future. The first week we explored the “Haunting Past” and how decisions we make in the past affect us in the present and future. Last week we wrestled with the Christmas weight and how we can manage the excess weight that we carry and use it to our advantage. Today we are going to talk about future anxieties, how they affect us in the present, and how to focus on the present without allowing the future to take control.  

You see, I believe one cannot escape anxiety. It’s part of the world we live in. And, the world continues to throw fuel on it when the flame ignites. However, there are ways to deal with it. There are ways to live with it. And yes friends, there are ways to make the best out of it. Last week I quoted one of my favorite writers when she said, “Anxiety is an old friend.” When I first heard this, I thought “What? An old friend? How could this terrible thing plaguing my life be a friend at all?” Valid question. But, it’s true. There are ways to make use of it. There are ways to gain strength and spiritual growth from it. There are ways to use to your advantage. It can, actually, make life easier. If controlled, it can be healthy. We are going to discuss some of those things. But, if it is not controlled, it will get out of hand. As I mentioned last week, it is much like fire. Fire is a useful tool. We use fire in a controlled environment all of the time. We have used it as a life source since the beginning of time. But, when it’s out of control, what happens? It destroys everything in its path. It doesn’t care who you are, how good you’ve got it, how healthy you are, or how much love, family, or friends you have surrounding you; it will make everything seem worthless when it takes control. That’s anxiety. It’s like fire. And, that’s just how it affects us emotionally. I didn’t mention that it affects us physically. We sometimes get rashes and breakouts on our skin, we get tired, we get moody, or much worse. And, that starts to affect the people around us. It’s taxing, not only to us, but everybody else. Yes, our anxiety hurts other people.

Into the Future!

What about the future scares you? Are there things that you think “might happen” that keep you up at night? Do you have fear of what could potentially happen? Or, do you have fear about what will inevitably happen? Do you ask questions regarding your family, children, spouse? Do you question your future finances and where funds might come from to support your status? Do you worry about the future of our country? It is typically not the questions that have definite answers that bother us. It is the questions that don’t have answers that bother us. Right? Questions such as, what will happen if I fail? What will happen when I no longer have them? What will happen if…. What will happen to them? What will happen to me? 

Wow, I don’t know about you, but I am getting worked up just talking about it. With past anxieties, we can let go. We can make use of present anxieties. But, the future is tough. Why is the future tough? It’s tough because it is unknown and it will always be there. That’s what creates a problem, right? It’s not knowing what will happen. People have made (and loss) billions of dollars from not knowing and trying to guess; it’s called gambling. 

The truth is, when you think about it, not knowing is very uncomfortable and that is why it causes us anxiety. And, this discomfort will consume a person. It is the discomfort that will spread like a fire. It will spread like a fire if it is not controlled. Wait, what? Yes, you can control discomfort. Too much discomfort can become painful and it can start to affect the way you do everything. It can completely paralyze you. But, a little bit of discomfort has some benefits. 

First, let’s talk about a story of a couple of folks that lived uncomfortably. Let’s talk about a couple that had reason to fear the future but stayed focused on a goal. There’s a story about Abraham and Sarah that demonstrates three things. 1) the unknown future and anxieties it might create. 2) Staying focused on a goal. And, 3) gaining strength from what the future will bring.    

Abraham and Sarah were already in their old age when God came to them with a covenant. This covenant is really the foundation of a lot of what we read in the bible. This covenant is like the baptism of the Jewish faith. It sets the stage for a lot of future plots as we study the rest of the bible. And, there are a lot of stories that refer to this covenant. And, Abraham was the chosen person to instate this covenant. This covenant was far different to these people than it would be to us. Even if we were chosen by God and spoken to by God in some manner, it would not be the same. The connection between God and human by this time was through tails passed down through history and told by elders. It was shared by word of mouth. The writer of Genesis expected the reader to assume the implications of this interaction between God and Abraham and what it meant for the creator to form a covenant. At this time, there were no formal documents in regard to God. There was no Torah. That didn’t come until later on. There was no establishment of a physical, earthly, temple for worship. Abraham worshiped a God that had only been talked about. However, Abraham had been listening to this God. God was leading Abraham. But, all of a sudden Abraham is chosen for a divine task and given a responsibility. God creates a covenant with Abraham. If God calls us to a task, if God speaks to us through a person, in a dream, if we have a vision, an epiphany, or a revelation we have a lot of experience with God to depend on. We have the mission of Christ to look toward. Not only that, we have a covenant with Christ that has given us a lot of room to wiggle, (maybe too much, sometimes). But, we know our God and we have thousands of years of documentation (and about 500 hundred years of printing press) telling stories about God. Abraham does not have that. 

God comes to Abraham to form a covenant with him. Now, this covenant thing is tricky. When Abraham agrees to this covenant, he is legally binding himself with God. It is like creating a partnership that cannot be broken. In the modern, western world, we have lost the since of covenant. Our covenants are more like contracts and they have stipulations. This covenant between God and Abraham was not simply bound by law, it was bound by God. There was no walking away from it and each partner, God and Abraham, had to fulfill their roles in this covenant.  

It was relayed to Abraham that he would have to fulfill this covenant and in doing this he would establish a great nation. All of his people would be the foundation of a great nation. In order for this to happen, he would have to have a child. But, as we know, the story tells us two problems. First, he and his wife Sarah are both almost 100 years old (which is very impressive.) Second, it is established by this time in their lives, Sarah cannot have a child.  

Are you feeling me when I say that Sarah and Abraham have a bit of pressure. Abraham has already agreed to this thing with God and the consequences for not upholding his end of the deal are detrimental for he and his wife.

Later, after the agreement is made, Abraham is at his regular place of worship, a place where he’s had encounters with God, and he notices that three men pass by this place. He invites them in and asks them if he can give them food, drink, and rest. He offers them refuge. And one of them responds, “Fine, do as you have said.” Let’s back up. The story says, “Sirs, if you would be so kind, don’t just pass by your servant. Let a little water be brought so you may wash your feet and refresh yourselves under the tree. Let me offer you a little bread so you will feel stronger, and after that you may leave your servant and go on your way—since you have visited your servant.” Abraham says, “Don’t just let me be; don’t overlook me. I am here to entertain your needs. I am here to fulfill your requests. Let me serve you.” And one of the men responds, “Fine. Do as you have said.” 

Do you see what the story teller has done? During a time that Abraham has made this covenant with God and put himself in an uncomfortable position that he did not know if he could fulfill. He did not know how in the world he and his wife were going to produce this child. He’s worried to death and worried about death because he has made this partnership with everything that he knows has given him life and it has the ability to take life away. He trusts in God but he’s a mess. You know the feeling, right? I believe in God, trust in God, I know God, and I want God in my life. So, why am I a mess? Abraham is a mess!

On the brink of all things falling apart and going south, Abraham has some visitors to give him assurance. In the midst of his discomfort, Abraham says, “I will serve you however I need to.” The visitor says, “Just do as you said you would do. This time next year, your wife will have a son.” Abraham fulfilled his part of the covenant with God by serving God. God fulfilled a promise by given them a son. They named him Isaac and the covenant carried on through him. God fulfilled this covenant and because of that, and them focusing on serving God, they gained strength. 

I am sure God knew of the anxiety and discomfort Abraham would have in making this promise. Discomfort can be difficult to maintain. Discomfort makes people worry and it causes stress. But, it caused Abraham to focus on what he said he would do, serve God. Abraham’s covenant was a goal and he knew he had to fulfill that goal. At a time that he might have questioned his future, God said, “Just do as you have said, serve me.”  

That leads me to a story I want to share about Waffle House. When I was eight or nine years old me and my dad stopped at a Waffle House early one morning before participating in a bass fishing tournament. We fished these tournaments for years when I was a little boy. But, we stopped at this Waffle House to eat breakfast early one morning while on our way to the event. Though, it was about 4:00AM, it was very busy with fisherman participating in the tournament. This might have been my first Waffle House experience because I can remember being enamored by the cook. There was only one cook at the stove. He was a younger guy and he was making breakfast for all of these customers. He had a line of tickets above him and he was going to town. This guy was in the zone. He didn’t miss a beat. I mean, it’s been thirty something years ago and the image has stuck with me. He had about ten tickets to make and about that many dishes going at the same time on the stove. This guy might have been under pressure, he might have been uncomfortable, he might have been under stress, but he was focused on what he had to do. He was focused on one thing, fulfilling his goal. And, he made it look easy. 

How do we keep ourselves from being consumed by future anxieties? It is simple; set goals that fulfill a purpose. Set goals that fulfill a covenant. Set goals that you can fulfill but do not allow yourself to get comfortable. Do you think God is going to let you get comfortable? No, because when you are uncomfortable you seek God. Set goals with your family, your spouse, your children, your work, or your service to God. In whatever form it might be in, when you are focused on serving God or a greater good, the other anxieties of the future fade away. It has been to my experience that if you help someone else carry their weight, your weight becomes a little lighter. Stay focused on serving God. 

Do as you have said. We all have a commitment to serve God. That is our goal. That is our focus for the future. When you look into the future, allow the flow of life to happen. Focus on the goal, let God lead you, and do as you have said. 

Anxiety Part II: The Christmas Weight

Read Luke 2:1-7

“The Christmas Weight”

Today is the second sermon in a sermon series on anxiety. Before we get started, I want to do a little recap on what we have covered thus far. 

The sermon series on anxiety explores three different facets of anxiety: the past, present, and future. Last week we explored the “Haunting Past” and how decisions we make in the past affect us in the present and future.

You see, I believe one cannot escape anxiety. It’s part of the world we live in. And, the world continues to throw fuel on it when the flame ignites. However, there are ways to deal with it. There are ways to live with it. And, dare I say, there are ways to make the best out of it. I will quote one of my favorite writers when she said, “Anxiety is an old friend.” You are thinking, “What? An old friend? How could this terrible thing that plagues my life be a friend at all?” Valid question... But, it’s true. There are ways to make use of it. There are ways to gain strength and spiritual growth from it. There are ways to use it to your advantage. It can, actually, make life easier. If controlled, it can be healthy. But, if it is not controlled, it can get out of hand. As I have mentioned, it is much like fire. Yes, fire is a useful tool. We use fire in a controlled environment all of the time. We use to cook, to heat our houses, to manipulate malleable materials, and it has been used for a life source since the beginning of time. But, when it’s out of control, what happens? It destroys everything in its path. It doesn’t care who you are, how good you’ve got it, how healthy you are, or how much love, family, or friends you have surrounding you; it will make everything seem worthless when it takes control. That’s anxiety. It’s like fire. And, that’s just how it affects us emotionally. I didn’t mention that it affects us physically. We sometimes get rashes and breakouts on our skin, acid reflux, we get tired, we get moody, and/or much worse. And, that starts to affect the people around us. It’s taxing, not only to us, but everybody else. Yes, our anxiety hurts other people.

A few years ago, a musician, that I often listen to, was waiting in line with his wife to go see a movie. All of a sudden, he recalls having a feeling of fear unlike he had experienced before. He felt off-balance as if his body was fading for brief moment. Then he felt like he was dying. He had a moment that he thought he was leaving the world. He woke up in a hospital. The doctors ran blood tests in search of the problem. As it turned out, it all happened due to anxiety. His life going great. His albums were selling a lot and his name was growing rapidly. He had a lot of shows scheduled and he had just got married. He was working on his next album when this happened. It was due to everything happening so quickly and not taking time to debrief that his body forced him to stop. That’s what will happen if a person does not allow the body and mind to stop; it will stop for you. 

Let’s talk about this title, "The Christmas Weight". I took some time thinking about what you were thinking about when you read the title of this sermon. Did you think, “On yes, I put on some weight during Christmas. And, I am trying to get rid of it.” Or did you think, “This must be in reference to the weight my bank account lost during Christmas.” I thought that I could have titled it “Christmas W-A-I-T” which, would refer to what kids are thinking about somewhere toward the end of October. Or, I thought about the title, “Christmas? Wait…I’m still recovering from last year.” Which would be what parents are thinking somewhere toward the end of October. Any of those would have worked because they all involve some degree of anxiety, right? But, none of those refer to the background of this title. The Christmas Weight is in reference to the Mary, Joseph, and Jesus story. The Christmas story as the writer, Luke, tells it. 

It was decided that Mary and Joseph would become married even after he discovered she was pregnant. We know the story well. Luke doesn’t tell that part as well as some of the other gospel writers (my opinion). But, even if we did not know of the conversation Mary had with Joseph about being pregnant, we could assume that it was awkward. And, it had to be convincing. And, even if it was very convincing, it would have caused some anxiety on Joseph’s part. 

They were not yet married and Mary was very pregnant. She would have had to hide it from friends and family. Because, it was against the Mosaic Law for her to be pregnant outside of marriage. Joseph was an upstanding Jewish man. He lived by the Law and he was in the lineage of King David. This meant he was of some importance. But, he was having to hide the fact that his fiancé was pregnant and not yet married to him. 

Outside of all of this going on, Israel is under the rule of Rome. They are experiencing a lot of problems and the governing body (Rome) is making life tough. At the time, Caesar Augustus was the ruler of Rome and he was the first Emperor to rule over Rome. He obtained the position from being the great nephew of Julius Caesar. He had a legacy that he felt obligated to maintain. When he stepped into those shoes, he cleaned some things up. First, he removed Herod the Great’s son, Archelaus, from his governing position in Judea and replaced him with Quirinius, a Roman gentile. This move was political on the part of Augustus. He had more control over Quirinius than the son of Herod the Great. This would allow Augustus to control Judea even more than he already did. 

One of the first actions of Quirinius for his Emperor was to create a census. The idea behind this was to generate more taxes for the Roman Empire and to keep a count on the people under their rule. Here’s the thing, the Jews already hated the Romans. But, it only fueled the fire to create a census. Creating a census was forbidden in Jewish Law. It was against the Law and it was against their faith practices. But, they were forced to do it. This was one of the reasons why zealot groups were formed to rebel against Rome. 

Let’s put this into perspective. Another country invades our country, a country of a different faith. They conquer our country and form a government over our government. We not only have to pay our government taxes, but we have to pay them too. And, this new ruling government forces us to do things against our faith. That’s where the people of Israel are. There are some anxieties happening. Right?  

So, not only were Mary and Joseph experiencing some personal anxieties, there were some things outside of their personal problems shaking things up a little too. With all of this happening, they were forced to travel, against their will, to Bethlehem so that Joseph can sign this census. So, they travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem. That’s about a 60-mile journey through some rough areas and over some coarse terrain. All the while, Mary is very pregnant and they are still trying to hide it. When they arrive at Bethlehem and start to look for a place to stay Mary says, “It’s time.” Oh, and did I mention that they knew this baby was not going to be the typical child. There was a dream and an angel that told Mary this baby would be conceived by the Holy Spirit. You've heard it before. Yeah, so they really did not know what was going to go down. But, Mary knew it was going to happen right now! But, what happened? All of these mad people were in town for the census and there was no room in the inn. So, they ended up in what was most likely something of a cave where animals slept. And it was there in that hole in a rock wall that Jesus happened. Yes.... Jesus happened. 

Whoa. 

We don’t often see that side of the story. Yeah, that’s the reality. It was when the shit was hitting the fan, handful after handful. It was when everybody was angry at the government and at life, adversity was in the air, and people were scared. Then this couple is just trying to be normal and be part of a declining society and do their part. But, noting is going the way they saw it going when they planned it. And here they were in a cave, used to water the donkeys, pushing a baby out because nothing goes right anymore. Then... 

Jesus happened.   

That’s what I call the Christmas weight. It’s when nothing is going right, you can’t see a clear path ahead, you feel like the world is against you, and you feel like you are carrying the weight this young couple had to carry from Nazareth to Bethlehem. Then, when everything seems to be falling apart, something happens. You get this weird sense of hope. You suddenly feel the presence of Love and Peace. The Spirit happens.  

When things are not going the way you want them to, or rather, the way you planned, what happens? Anxiety? When things are not panning out at home with family (kids/wife/dog) or at work with your boss, what happens? Anxiety? When you have a list of things to do that you just can’t get done and you have a list of things you're concerned about that you just continually stress about, what happens? Anxiety? When you are worried about your health what happens? Anxiety? It really starts to feel like you are carrying a Christmas weight. 

When you have that kind of anxiety and it is just not getting any better and you feel like the weight is getting heavier, it is time to let Jesus happen. When you let Jesus happen, you will find hope. Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you to let go and let God. Because, it doesn’t always work out like that. If I am hanging from a tree limb and I decide to let go and let God, God’s going to let gravity hit me with the ground. There is a lot more to it than that. Letting Jesus happen requires proactivity. 

It requires action and this is where anxiety becomes an old friend rather than a life-long nemesis. So, when we think about the opposite of anxiety what comes to mind? I think of calmness. I think of peace. I think of stillness, quietness, relaxation, or tranquility. It reminds me of the creation story when God came to the earth it was chaotic, which could be metaphorical for anxiety. God, brought peace and stillness. Anxiety is like a classroom full of children who have all been given a Jolt Cola, a Nesli’s Crunch, and a kitten. The opposite of that is an empty room with a hammock and the sun shining with a little breeze. It’s peace and tranquility.        

Now, we know that anxiety is with us everywhere we go. It there even when we try to avoid it. It can manifest because we are trying too hard to avoid it. Because it is always there, in order to control it you have to sacrifice parts of your life to step away from it. Do you feel me? Anxiety allows us to appreciate time when it is not present. It’s like day and night. I like having a lot of daylight. But, if there were no darkness, I could not appreciate it. Nighttime allows us to appreciate daytime and vice versa. Anxiety allows to appreciate its opposite: peace, stillness, calmness, and tranquility. That’s how you control anxiety. It’s like controlling a fire; you have to keep tabs on it. 

Now, here comes the proactive part. How do we do that? How do we control this old friend that has the habit of getting out of hand? It’s quite simple. I have three steps and it requires all three. You can’t just practice one. All three. 1) You have to take a break from your surroundings. You have to take sabbath time. You might hear me say that a lot. If it’s not working, you’re not doing it right. You have to detach, unplug, rest, escape from all distractions, and give time to you. It is a gift for you from God. God is telling you to take this time of quietness and peace and God is giving it to you for a reason. Somebody might say, “Well, I took a family vacation. That was my sabbath time.” Nah, don’t give me that. That’s not you time. Make time for you. While you are taking that sabbath time, think about God and think about the blessings you have been given from God. Stop working, stop looking at the phone, and look up and look out and appreciate it. 

That reminds me of something I heard not long ago. I wish I could take credit for this because it’s awesome but I cannot. One of favorite writers said this. There is a Jewish midrash about the Exodus story. God parts the Red Sea and all of the people are walking across the bottom of the sea. Some people were complaining because they were having to walk through the mud and they were getting mud in their sandals and in between their toes. They were so focused on the mud, they missed this amazing miracle that was happening all around them. The 21^stcentury version of that is, everybody is so busy looking at their phones and complaining about what they see on social media and finding entertainment in what they see on the internet that they forget to look up and all around at creation and the miracles that happen every day. 

2) If you control it and allow it, anxiety will help you discover your gifts. What is causing your anxiety? Now, what can you gain from it and learn from it and how is it part of your personality. That’s right, we are all wired differently and we approach learning differently. So, the question to ask is how can I make use of this struggle. It’s a good prayer. Ask, “God, what would you have me gain, what would you have me learn from this struggle? What are you teaching me? Allow me to learn from this so that I can better serve you.” Seek gifts in your anxiety.

3) When you are experiencing anxiety, it is quite likely there are some things out of order. Right? Some things are chaotic due to lack of order or stability. In the creation story, God arrived and there was chaos. So, God created order and there was peace. It is order that created the book of Leviticus. The Israelites did not have laws or rules and if there are no laws or rules, what happens? Chaos. So, the Law of Moses was created for order and stability. 

I cleaned out the closet in my garage last week. If you were to open the door prior to last week you would have seen chaos and disarray. But, now it has order. (For a little while at least.) And, I have to tell you, it makes me feel good to look in that closet and see order. 

So, you are carrying the Christmas weight. There is turmoil, worry, anxiety, darkness, and God knows what else. It feels like things are busting at the seam. First, find rest and peace away from everything. Second, search for gifts. Ask, “God, what will you have me learn from this?” And third, create order. Take time to create order or reorder things in your life. Allow God to use your anxieties to make a better you. 

That’s God’s plan for you!  

Anxiety Part I: The Haunting Past

Read 1 Samuel 15:27-31, 34-35 

Greetings! 

This will be the first homily in a three-part series on a particular topic that most of us are all too familiar with. If you are an adult and not familiar with it, I need to hang around you a little and learn something from you. The topic is anxiety. It’s an ugly little word and it has chased most of us all over the place, from one point in our lives to the other. It has been a part of our lives from our early years, to the ones we are living right now. Truly, I believe we cannot escape it. It’s part of the world we live in. And, the world continues to throw fuel on it when the flame ignites. However, there are ways to deal with it. There are ways to live with it. And, dare I say, there are ways to make the best out of it. There are ways to make use of it. There are ways to gain strength and spiritual growth from it. We are going to discuss some of those things. But, if not controlled, it can get out of hand. It is much like fire. Yes, fire is a useful tool. We use fire in a controlled environment all of the time. We use to cook, to heat our houses, to manipulate malleable materials, and it has been used as a life source since the beginning of time. But, when it’s out of control, what happens? It destroys everything in its path. It doesn’t care who you are, how good you’ve got it, how healthy you are, or how much love you have surrounding you; it will make everything seem worthless when it takes control. 

That’s anxiety. 

It’s like fire. And, that’s just how it affects us emotionally. I didn’t mention that it affects us physically. We sometimes get rashes and breakouts on our skin, acid reflux, we get tired, we get moody, or much worse! And, that starts to affect the people around us. It’s taxing, not only to us but everybody else. Yes, our anxiety hurts other people.

So let’s take some time to wrestle with this devil. Our plan is to gain some insight on how to tame, control, and use anxiety as a tool to learn and grow. 

First, let me confuse you. I believe there is this constant motion moving forward in time. Things are constantly changing and it seems that there is a progression towards something better, towards something good. May it be in technology or science, humans are discovering ways to make things better. I think this is the progression of life. Things aren’t what they were 100 years ago, or 50 years ago, or 25 years ago, or 10 years ago. All things considered, things are better. There is something happening, there are progressions and movements. Have you noticed it? I think that thing has a name; it’s called God. Humans are just pieces of a really big puzzle, a big picture. This advancement is happening because of people caring for people. That’s the big picture coming together. God’s work moving into the future is rooted in love. We get better when we bring people closer. 

This movement toward advancement or improvement takes place because of each individual (people) moving with it. We play a small part in the big picture. We each have a part to play in order for good things to happen. But, in our individual movement toward improvement, advancement, love for one another, and God’s love there are times when an anchor is dropped. What happens when a boat drops its anchor? It stays in one place. It does not move. It becomes stagnant. There is no moving forward or backward; it is in one place. Then things in our lives start to lose movement and they become stagnant. Our relationships become stagnant. We can pretend there is movement, but that anchor keeps us in that one place. Our spiritual life becomes stagnant. We can even show up to church and pretend life is good, but that anchor keeps us from getting anywhere in our relationships with God or our neighbors. Work becomes stagnant. We even show up every day with a plan, but nothing gets done. There are many things that can act as that anchor. But, one of the most common is anxiety.    

During this three-part sermon, we are going to talk about three different facets of anxiety: The past, the present, and the future. Today we are going to talk about the haunting past. The anxiety of the past is like an anchor that gets thrown out of the boat and it latches on to something and keeps you from moving forward. You give it more strength but it just pulls you back. It’s a weight that won’t let you move forward with your life. It’s that voice that in your head that keeps asking, “Where would I be if I had done things differently?”

I am sure Samuel asked that question in regard to King Saul.

From the time of the Exodus until nearly 300 years later, Israel did not have a king. They were governed by Judges. There were many judges during that period in history. But, there were a lot of threats on Israel by other countries and kingdoms, particularly Philistine. Naturally, Israel wanted a king. They wanted someone that could take care of them. They wanted someone to protect them. Samuel was one of the judges and he was also a prophet. Since the people wanted a king, they took their complaints to Samuel. Samuel took those complaints to God. But, here’s the thing, God was not ready for Israel to have a king, it was not time. God knew the right time, but God’s people were too worried, anxious, eager, and they thought they knew better than God. So, they persisted. 

I think we can level with these folks. How bad have you wanted something even when you know it’s not the right time? Not only does God know, but you know. And, you still want it right now. I have been there. 

Samuel warned the people about the consequences of anointing a king when it was not time. But, they persisted. God told Samuel, “Comply with their request. Give them a king.” (1 Sam 8:22) The result of that commandment was King Saul, Israel’s first king. Saul’s reign as king was less than desirable. Samuel’s prophecies about the king were fulfilled and Israel regretted their desire for a king. If only they had listened to God through Samuel, they could have saved themselves from a lot of problems. 

So, let’s recap. God’s people, the Israelites, want a king. God wasn’t ready for them to have a king. They persist because they think they know better than God. God tells Samuel to give them a king. The king turns out to be a poor and unjust leader. God’s people regret their decision. Any of this ringing a bell from your past? It is mine. Pretty simple. I’ve seen it a hundred times. My parents would say, “Son, don’t do that.” I would say, “Trust me; I know what I am doing.” Then, I would do it anyway. Suddenly, while in the emergency room, I would regret not listening to what my parents said. It’s not rocket science. 

But, don’t we all make bad decisions knowing the potential outcome. We do. I feel like we have all done it at some point in our lives. A girl might like a guy knowing that he is a trouble maker and has a history of bad relationships. In her mind, she knows that everybody he has dated has been hurt. "But, he’s got pretty blue eyes, so we’ll be fine together". Bad decisions. Here’s the thing, when we get to that fork in the road that has two decisions, one good and one bad, do you think God only follows us down one of them? No. God follows us down either one of them. When we make that decision to go down the bad path, God will not stop us. But, God goes with us. I think the Holy Spirit grabs some tissues, and an icepack, puts on a helmet, and says, “This is gonna hurt. But, we’re gonna do it together." 

God was with Samuel, Israel, and Saul during all of their bad decisions. They all made those bad decisions and God allowed it to happen. Would you believe that, even, God makes regretful decisions? After Saul’s reign as king was over, the writer tells us this, “Samuel never saw Saul again before he died, but he grieved over Saul. However, the Lord regretted making Saul king over Israel.” I don’t think God makes bad decisions. But, I do think that God regrets when we make bad decisions. I think God regrets it because God knows that those bad decisions in our past often come back and haunt us. What is the result of the haunting past? Anxiety. 

Do you often think about bad decisions or bad choices that you’ve made in the past? Do you ever think about what would have or could have been had you made different choices? Here’s my favorite, where would I be had I not wasted my time on that? Or, where would I be if I had used my time more wisely? Where would I be had I not married that person? Worked for that company? Listen to that advice? Followed that friend? What could have been? Why did I make those mistakes? Would my life be better? Why did I take that path? 

When we ask those questions, the anchor digs in deep. The fire starts to spread to other areas in our lives. Sometimes, dwelling on those questions leads to brand new poor decisions. The next thing you know, there are a few more anchors. 

There was a reason why God did not want Israel to have a king when they wanted one. God had a king in mind and it was a great king. It was King David. But, David was not old enough to be the king. So, there was a fork in the road. One path leads to Saul becoming king and Israel struggling with Saul and that is just what happened. The other path was Israel waiting for David. There was a lot of struggle that could have come with that because of all of the threats by other kingdoms. It could have been very detrimental. But, the end of both of those paths was a blessing. King David. The great King that united God’s people. So, regardless of what decision God’s people made, there would have been consequences. But, both paths led to the same place. Regardless of the struggle, the end was glory. 

So, regardless of the decision they made, God was prepared to allow God’s people to struggle so that they would appreciate the blessing that was to come. The blessings that Israel experienced at the end of the path were so great, they were able to let go of the haunting past. 

So, here’s a question. I want you to think about it. What past anxieties are haunting you? What decisions of your past are holding you back? What past anxieties are causing a fire to spread into other areas of your life? Do they keep you up at night? Do they cause you to lose focus on your life? Are they affecting facets of your life such as work, relationships, or family? Are you following me?

Focusing on those past anxieties are causing that anchor to did in deeper and sometimes they are causing more anchors to drop. The only way to move forward is to cut the chain. Don’t just real them in and let them sink again. Cut the chain and look ahead because there are many blessings that God wants you to experience. There is glory ahead and you cannot experience it unless you move forward. And, if you continue to look at the paths behind you and the decisions you've made, you cannot see what is ahead. If you are looking back, you cannot see forward. 

My friends, there is something up there for you to see. There is something God wants to show you. And, there are many more decisions to make. 

Now, what if the fire got out of control? What if that anxiety has spread into other facets of life and done some damage? It’s ok. There are many blessings to gain from this out-of-control fire. First thing’s first, you have to put the fire out. The first step in doing that is convincing yourself that there will be blessings to come from this. Then the next step is admitting that you need help and telling the people around you that you are struggling. And, always know that God walks with you through every struggle and bad decision you make. 

We all know that fire does a lot of damage. But, have you ever noticed that after time, the grass that was once burned will grow back greener? That is a blessing ahead of you that you will experience. Allow the people that have been affected by your anxieties to walk with you and God away from the past. You will all gain strength from the journey. And, when you glance at the past, you will notice the green grass growing.